


Thunderstorms

by alexme7_7



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, Mentions of attempted suicide, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-17 22:46:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10603857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexme7_7/pseuds/alexme7_7
Summary: Zoe and Connor both enjoy thunderstorms.





	

The rain pattered a heavy and steady pattern against the roof, as it had for hours. It was the first big rain of spring and showed no signs of slowing down, let alone stopping. Only recently had the quiet rain turned into a thunderstorm. Nothing extravagant or over-powering, but just enough lightning, constant and strobing, and sudden thunderous crashes, to keep Connor up. He didn’t mind though, it wasn’t like he ever got much sleep anyway. Plus, he enjoyed thunderstorms. He enjoyed rain in general, but thunderstorms were special. An uncontrollable force he could lose himself in.

He gave up convincing himself he was tired and that he would be able to sleep, and lifted the comforter off himself, swinging his feet on to the floor. A flash illuminated his darkened room and he almost smiled. Carefully, he opened his door and made his way downstairs, staying to the side of the staircase to avoid the creaking out of habit. He had snuck out this way so many times before. So many times that his parents weren’t even aware of. 

He wasn’t trying to sneak out this time, though. Their living room had a front window that would give him a better view of the storm. It would let him focus on something else for a while. 

Connor wasn’t the only one in the family who had thought of this, apparently. He stopped short in the living room at the sight of Zoe curled into a corner of the couch. Blanket wrapped around her shoulders, feet tucked underneath her, her phone was clutched in her hand, but the screen was blank. 

Zoe looked over at him in surprise. A flash of lightning illuminated their faces. They both looked exhausted. Too exhausted to trade words, insults most likely. The eye contact was quickly broken and Connor shifted from foot to foot.

He had been doing better lately. Not great. But he had been attending therapy at his own will, and the doctors were trying him on a new medication. Nothing was perfect. Zoe still made her feelings for him clear, and he couldn’t help but respond. He didn’t blame her. Connor felt the same way she did, anyway. Things were nearing okay, but it didn’t erase the tension between them.

Zoe knew why he was in the living room. Her brother had always enjoyed thunderstorms. When they were young, five or six, Zoe had cried out during a particularly bad storm. It wasn’t mom or dad that had come to save the day, it had been Connor. Connor had crawled into her bed and told her that thunderstorms weren’t scary, that it was just angels bowling in heaven. It had made Zoe giggle through her tears. He held her all night through the storm. Their parents had found them like that in the morning.

Zoe hadn’t been afraid of storms since and had come to enjoy thunder and lightning.  She had, however, in some harsh twist of fate, become frightened of her brother.

From crying out for him at night, to locking her door before she went to bed. From following him around, wanting to do everything he did, to denouncing him whenever she could. As far as she had been concerned, he wasn’t Connor anymore. He had been replaced.

Deep down, she knew it wasn’t something he could fully control. Their parents floundered as Connor retreated further into himself, only coming out in bursts of rage and anger, spending the rest of the time floating in an apathetic haze. They didn’t help him. They didn’t know how. And so Connor became a monster. And Zoe was forced to watch him fall apart until she couldn’t take it anymore and simply learned to look away, only acknowledging Connor when he made himself known. Working defensively against him until she had to take up offence as he got worse. She had built up a thick skin, having no choice otherwise.

And now the two siblings were opposite each other in the darkened living room as the storm continued above them.

Sighing, Connor made a move to turn around back to the stairs.

“You can stay,” Zoe said, more annoyance tinging her voice than she intended out of habit.

Connor frozen and then slowly made his way over to the couch. Without looking to Zoe, he sat down lightly at the other end of the couch, bringing his feet underneath him after a moment.

Zoe had found him that day, after school. It was another twist of fate. Zoe had had headphones on, loud music blocking out the rest of the world as she worked on her computer. The song ended. And there, in between the songs, she heard something. A thump coming from Connor’s room. Something she would normally ignore, crank her music up louder and dismiss it as him having another breakdown. But for some reason, she slid her headphones off and moved cautiously towards her brother’s room. She had found him that day.

And she had blown up at her parents in the hospital, blaming them for Connor’s second attempt. She knew all the right words, when to yell and when to cry, what blows she needed to throw, as harsh as they may have been. She didn’t know where that anger or sadness had come from. She hadn’t felt anything like that regarding her brother before or after that. She was numb, mostly tired of her parents. Of Connor. Of her family in general. She just wanted something at least next to normal for once. She hadn’t done it for Connor. She did it for herself.

But Connor had heard. Zoe didn’t know this. But he had heard her yelling. And he cried. He thought that he had, deservingly so, lost his sister a long time ago. He didn’t deserve what she said. He knew he had to try for her. And he was.

It was hard, there were more bad days than good ones. But he was trying this time.

A silence rested between the two, not completely comfortable, but something strangely calm. Neither felt like they could say anything, or like they even should say anything. They just sat together, in the living room, on a couch facing the storm, together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, or would like to give constructive criticism, leave me a comment or hit me up on my tumblr <3  
> I posted this on my tumblr (slaygoldponyboy) earlier today, and have only made minor edits before posting on here.  
> Song rec: After the Storm//Mumford & Sons


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